Do you frequently give thought to what the hell you are doing, and why?  This seems to be an  important function that gets left aside as we live the lives we’re pushed into by convention,  heritage, situation, dementia, or weakness. It’s hard to jump out of the plane because what if  the  parachute doesn’t open? But what if you could convince yourself that it will?  Here, you can  suck it up, and just jump! It’s easy to say, all right, but it’s also Goddamned frightening, for  everyone.

I’m headed west on Harvey the Harley, Jr., for a big think. Frankly, there’s a certain amount of  fear that I harbor about this trip. I’ll be riding alone and into areas where books like “Fargo”, and  “In Cold Blood” had their roots.   The sweet and comfy thing to do  would be to head north to familiar ground but this trip is important to me, and unknown  territory is a better place to find what I’m looking for.  There will be a lot of  time to focus on what makes me happy, or would make me happy. This trip through a very  interesting and beautiful section of America will be a most pleasant background to what’s really  going on behind unending Buena Vistas.

In a living situation I know a few things about myself. Access to people is important; isolation does not work with my Irish personality. Convenient access to cultural stimulation has max importance; I prefer the visual, and aural. Reading, save for car magazines, occasional poetry and the odd book, isn’t a big deal in my life, though it might become so. But there comes a time in almost every book I’ve read where the type turns to alphabet soup, and I give up.  Perhaps that is why music has been such a big love in my life.

 I need space, private time to escape to a man cave and work on an old car or motorcycle,  listen to vintage rock ‘n roll, loud, cut myself on some damned car part, and swear like  hell. But quick access to family and friends, and regular social interaction, either at  home or some place else is probably more important. I’m a reasonably healthy eater,  nonsmoker, and light drinker. My weight is down and going down mostly due to finally  coming to terms with the fact that I was a heavyweight drinker. I loved it, Falstaff was my hero, but it sure as hell got me into a heap of trouble on occasion. Now, because of copious quantities of drink, my Electrophysiologist is my hero. Though lotsa fun on most occasions, drinking lead to things that made you say fucked up stuff, spend thousands of dollars on something you inevitably pissed away, and become eligible for  DWI awards…thank God I never got one, or wrecked a car, dropped a bike, or more importantly, killed some innocent sonofabitch.

BUT!

To smoke a hand rolled cigarette whilst downing your fourth pint of Guinness was pure bliss.

 I’m quite content with who I am, and thank God for a blessed life.  But it would be very pleasing  to enjoy predictable female companionship primarily for humorous, and  intelligent  chat,  mutual support, and to give and receive affection. Though an inveterate traveller, I like a  home  life.  And a  home life would be best realized with someone who shares many of my living  habits, has a big  assed  brain, a sense of the world, an agreeable, not perfect, but agreeable  appearance, a good  streak  of kindness, does not have the same high voltage Type A  personality that I do, in possession of a certain earthiness, a cultural inclination, some  depth,  and a good  sense  of  humor. Minus that stuff, I’d probably prefer living alone. We’ll see.

Selling real estate does not offend me, at all. Voice work is fun. An inside sales job selling stuff  that I like would work well; high-end cars, or canoes and fishing gear at L.L. Bean, for  instance.  I’m not terribly put off by heat or cold, but inner city violence, and dangerous winter  conditions do nothing for me. So, I’d prefer a low crime area, and a climate no  worse than  found in North Carolina. But the locals can’t be idiots. Living in Europe is on the back burner  for the time being.  It’s too  expensive, has changed too much for the worse, and maybe I’m too  damned old to make  that  jump by myself.  Maybe.

 One style of life that holds great interest would be to live in Maine for four or five months,  eat lobsters, and then live the remainder of the time some place else, minus ice and  snow. But  I cannot afford to do that alone. Another is to sell my big house here in NOLA  and to live  in my cottage on the other side of the street. Smaller, one floor, cute, and it’s  perfectly  located. A 50K fix up would give me just what I want; the perfect downsize.

 I’ve been here 8+ years, during which time I’ve lost and regained my mind, become a good real  estate agent, learned to love hot sauce, had my heart  broken, twice, by the same woman,  survived cancer, and generally speaking, had a hell of a  time!  But it’s time for a reevaluation; to  compare and contrast what exists with other  opportunities. NOLA has proven to be tough  when it comes to making good friends, finding  love has been a farcical quest, and I’ve no  family here. But! Culturally, architecturally,  gastronomically, and in the spirit of the Toys R Us  department, it’s paradise. Another life worth  living is found just outside Providence, RI, on the  water, in Warwick, or East Greenwich.  Yup,  winters suck but I’m a sucker for the Atlantic Ocean and the Northeast where I have many friends, and family.  I see myself sailing a small boat.  I also see myself having a heart attack while shoveling snow.  Even though Europe isn’t the same as it once was, another thought is to find a way to make France or, primarily, Ireland, work. But a number of challenges exist, most notably the Dollar/Euro exchange rate, and some questions about health care.  The Old Sod would be my big first choice because of the good friends and family factor. Not to mention the massive history I have there.

 In no particular order, my priorities are, health care, access to salt water, friends and family,  adequate public transportation, culture, a healthy lifestyle, quality companionship, financial  security, and personal safety. It’s not hard to understand why millions of other Americans,  surfing the front end of the baby boom, are thinking about exactly the same issues.  Lord knows  a load of relationships will be lost and found at this age as people realize they only have just so  much more time and don’t want to waste a second of its preciousness, or to be bored any longer  by  someone’s  vacuous or unloving behavior.  What I’m also finding out about this age  is a  delicious feeling of not giving a shit about what anyone else thinks about me, save for my manners.

So, I’m taking all of this stuff, and whatever else I come up with, dumping it into a blender, putting it on a motorcycle, twisting its throttle until what is ain’t no more, and thinking things over until the jury comes in with a decision. And then, I’m going to pour it into a nice big glass, and drink.

XO

Middie